This Swine flu thing seems to have gone very quiet. I’m upgrading my assessment to ‘we’re all probably doomed’, though not in a scottish accent as i’m not very good at one. Let’s set the scene with my blog post from blog version 1 on 30th april this year shall we and I will update:

The world is awash with news articles about swine flu. Who’d have thought it? For the past many years we have been vigilantly watching the chickens just incase one of them sneezes in a malicious manner and we now see the fruition of the pigs’ grand scheme. Get them worried about the chickens and we’ll catch them off guard. corner the market. “all new formulation swine flu – now comes with cravings for fajitas”

I must admit I had been wondering where the annual flu scare had gone to over the winter period, I guess it was put on a back burner till we all started to get fed up with all the banks going into meltdown.

But life goes on, and if the rest of the world seems to have a weaker strain of the flu then thats probably all the better if it sweeps this country in its weaker state. Then, if it mutates again, as it surely will, probably in time for the next cold and flu season to give us a second wave at the tail end of the year, at least we’ll be partially resistant to a potentially worse variation on the theme, and we’ll have the annual vaccines ready for it. We’ve apparently got a stockpile of drugs for half the country, it would be a shame to see it all go out of date, tamiflu is pretty expensive, and it probably goes quite well with a sour cream and tortilla side serving.

As the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy says on its front cover in large friendly letters – Don’t Panic.

and here we are four weeks later and it’s all gone quiet. The press has decided it’s more fun to regail us with stories of duck houses and mortgage payments, and witter on about the trials and tribulations of the latest contestants on whatever reality tv show happens to be on when deadline approaches. And yet every now and again there will be this little piece about another confirmed case of H1N1, which sounds more like a game of battleships than this years cause of armageddon.

This had led me to the conclusion that we find ourselves playing out the plotline of a movie. It’s like the opening portion of a film, where everyone is merrily going about their daily lives paying little attention to the tiny stories in the middle of the newspaper telling of the dead suddenly climbing out of their graves and wandering around saying “braaaains…” just before all hell lets loose and the world is taken over by a zombie army led by one of the characters from Thunderbirds.

I’m going to predict October, just after the papers have finished their global warming season of saying “oooh, summer is going on too long, the world will be turned to sand by next tuesday.” It’s going to coincide with Economy Crash 2: Japan Falls because news on the recession has gone suspiciously quiet as well.

To sum up if you couldn’t be bothered to read all that: Swine Flu 2. It’s coming. Duck and cover.